Self-Determination Theory: Why Top Performers Are Never 'Grindset' Martyrs

Most people have a deep misunderstanding of talent: they equate “obedience” with “excellence.” If someone completes an assignment on time, solves a problem correctly, or follows instructions to the letter, we call them a “top talent.”

But that’s not a talent; that’s a smart tool. If everything they do is initiated by you, the real talent is you, not them.

Obedience is not a particularly valuable quality. Our education system has produced too many “obedient talents,” a fact that many thinkers have long lamented.

I heard a professor say that when she interviews graduate students and asks, “What are your thoughts on research in this field? What is your academic interest?” the response is often a blank stare. It’s not nervousness; it’s that there’s simply nothing there. An executive at a multinational corporation said that Chinese employees are hardworking and smart, but they only move when pushed. They perform beautifully on whatever they are evaluated on, but they rarely take initiative.

Obedient excellence is a far cry from being a top-tier performer. True excellence requires active initiative—the drive to say, “This doesn’t seem right; I’m going to change it.”

The difference between “I am made to do” and “I want to do” lies in agency. People with high agency initiate action, make decisions, and exert control over their behavior and environment. They don’t just let life happen to them; they shape it.

Many contemporary systems are designed based on 19th-century factory needs, centered on the behaviorist “carrot and stick”—rewards, punishments, KPIs, rankings, and clock-ins. This treats people like donkeys running along a predetermined path. But being in motion is not the same as being alive. Blind passivity leads people toward “minimum cost compliance”—doing the job well enough that no one can complain, but without any soul. Today, many people feel like they’re heading to a funeral when they go to work, or to prison when they go to school. This is a lack of agency.

How do we cultivate agency? The tool for this is Self-Determination Theory (SDT) [1], a framework proposed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan in the 1980s. it is considered the pinnacle of motivation research over the past few decades.

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SDT doesn’t preach “grindset” or forced self-discipline because it knows those aren’t true forms of agency. SDT posits that the quality of motivation is more important than the quantity. High-quality motivation not only allows people to sustain action long-term but also makes the process healthier.

Some psychologists say your motivation quality depends on where your Locus of Control is: if it’s external, you are passively compliant; if it’s internal, you are the master.

Top-tier performers are invariably self-driven. External control can buy compliance, but it cannot buy engagement.

To turn passivity into initiative, one must internalize the locus of control. SDT suggests [2] that human motivation exists on a continuum of six types, ranging from complete lack of motivation to full autonomy. Think of this as a process of internalization. Let’s break them down.

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The first level is Amotivation: “I don’t move because I feel it’s useless.” This isn’t laziness; it’s a lack of power. It’s the belief that “I can’t do it,” “It won’t work,” or “This has no meaning for me.”

For example, a high school student might not be inherently lazy, but if they repeatedly fail despite trying, they might enter a state of apathetic paralysis. No matter what you say, they won’t move. This is also known as “learned helplessness” [3].

The second level is External Regulation: “I move because you make me.” This is the familiar carrot and stick—the world of behaviorist B.F. Skinner [4], where stimulus leads to response.

Why work? For money. Why not run a red light? Fear of a fine. Behavior at this level is driven entirely by external rewards, punishments, or coercion. As soon as the monitoring stops, the behavior stops. You have to invent endless KPIs, yet people still slack off.

The third level is Introjected Regulation: “I move so I don’t feel guilty.” At this level, you’ll do things even without supervision or rewards because you’d feel guilty, ashamed, or anxious if you didn’t.

Some people aren’t particularly close to their parents but still fulfill filial duties out of a fear of guilt. Some don’t love exercise but force themselves to hit the gym daily due to body anxiety. No one is whipping you; you’ve grown the whip inside your own heart. But an internal whip is still a whip, making life exhausting. The price of such “iron will” is massive internal friction.

The fourth level is Identified Regulation: “I move because I recognize its value.” This is the turning point for agency. You begin to have a sense of autonomy and volition.

A person might not enjoy memorizing vocabulary, but they want to communicate in a foreign language, so they do it without exams or rewards. A medical student might hate pharmacology but has a professional ideal of saving lives, so they study hard. Because the value is self-chosen, there is less internal friction. However, because you don’t necessarily enjoy the action itself, you might still feel conflict: “I really want to watch a show right now, but I choose to study for my goal.”

The fifth level is Integrated Regulation: “I move because it is part of who I am.” This integrates value with identity.

“I don’t exercise to lose weight; I exercise because a person as cool as me naturally exercises every day.” “I don’t go to the battlefield because I’m not afraid to die; I go because I am a warrior.” This is the method James Clear champions in Atomic Habits (2018) [5]. At this level, your behavior is highly autonomous, and you feel perfectly aligned, without internal conflict, and often filled with pride.

But even that isn’t the highest realm.

The sixth and highest level is Intrinsic Motivation: “I move because I love to move.” The drive comes entirely from the activity itself, without needing external consequences.

A child building a sandcastle, a programmer working on an open-source project in their spare time, a mathematician solving a problem, a musician playing—for them, the activity is the end itself. This is pure vitality! At this level, you not only work without resistance but often perform at a superhuman, creative level. You work through the night without feeling tired, immersed in creation and exploration, forgetting time and yourself. This is the state of Flow we often discuss.

Humanity’s greatest strength is not self-discipline, but self-will. Top performers are never “grindset” martyrs.

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This reminds me of Confucius’s saying: “To know it is not as good as to love it; to love it is not as good as to delight in it.” This is essentially a modern theory of motivation:

• “Knowing it” corresponds to External and Introjected regulation: You know it’s important, but you might not do it well.
• “Loving it” corresponds to Identified and Integrated regulation: You recognize it and are willing to invest.
• “Delighting in it” is Intrinsic Motivation: You do it because you simply love doing it.

Of course, in reality, many tasks are meaningful but not necessarily “fun.” We can’t rely solely on intrinsic motivation. SDT doesn’t ask you to fire all external motivations; it asks you to internalize external tasks as much as possible, shifting the locus of control inward.

How do we shift it?

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This is the key insight of SDT: Humans have three innate basic psychological needs. If your environment meets these three needs, your agency will automatically sprout. If they are suppressed, your motivation will wither. Motivation is not a fire to be lit, but a plant to be fed.

These three needs, or “psychological nutrients,” are Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness.

Autonomy means you have a choice and your behavior is of your own volition. “I don’t have to work here; I choose to work at this company.”

Competence means the task is not too easy—it’s a challenge, but one you can reach if you push yourself. You get positive feedback, see progress, and find it interesting. This is also a necessary condition for Flow.

Relatedness is the feeling of being cared for, understood, and belonging to a group. We are more likely to internalize the goals of a group to which we feel we belong.

SDT has accumulated over forty years of experimental evidence. One of the most classic studies by founder Edward Deci involved two groups of people playing with puzzles. One group was rewarded with money, while the other played for fun. They found that for those who already found puzzles interesting, being paid actually decreased their interest. Once the payment stopped, they stopped playing. Meanwhile, those who weren’t paid continued to play, even during breaks.

This is the famous Overjustification Effect: external control (money) can “crowd out” intrinsic motivation [6]. Financial rewards can reduce the sense of autonomy.

Modern neuroscience also shows that when people are autonomously motivated, the brain’s dopamine system and areas responsible for deep learning and creative problem-solving are more active. In contrast, under controlled motivation, the brain relies more on areas responsible for stress response and mechanical execution. Simply put: in complex cognitive tasks, feeling good and free makes your brain work faster.

This explains why Google’s early “20% time” policy (allowing engineers to work on their own projects) birthed Gmail and AdSense [7]. It also explains why Microsoft Japan’s 2019 experiment with a four-day work week saw a 40% increase in productivity.

Autonomy, competence, and relatedness are not cultural luxuries; they are part of basic human needs.

Unfortunately, these three needs are not written into fundamental human rights. But we can imagine that without any one of these nutrients, no one can be truly happy. Before you demand “discipline” or “effort” from yourself or others, you should first ask:

Do they have a choice? Have they received positive feedback? Do they feel safe and supported?

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Since agency is nourished by autonomy, competence, and relatedness, the core operation of SDT involves three things:

1. Provide Choice and Rationale: Translate tasks from “others want me to” to “why I identify with this.”
2. Provide Challenge and Feedback: Break tasks down from “too big” to “winning a small round first.”
3. Provide Connection and Support: Change tasks from “fighting alone” to “someone sees me.”

Let’s look at two scenarios.

Scenario 1: You are a manager, teacher, or parent

Don’t be a control freak. You must find ways to provide nourishment and foster the agency of others.

First, when assigning a boring task, explain its significance. Don’t just say, “Copy these 100 pages and don’t ask why.” Say, “Our client meeting this afternoon is critical, and these materials will help us secure the contract. We’re all counting on your help.” This helps the person shift from external regulation to identified regulation.

Second, provide choice. Don’t say, “You must do math first, then English.” Say, “Today’s tasks are math and English. Which do you want to start with? How do you want to complete them?” Even small choices can significantly boost the sense of autonomy.

Third, give non-controlling feedback. Feedback should be task-oriented, not person-oriented. Don’t say, “You’re so smart!” or “You’re so stupid!” To judge a person is to control them, as they will become anxious within your evaluation system. Say, “That problem-solving approach was very creative, especially the second step…” Even if the rest of the approach was wrong, they gain a bit of competence.

Finally, give relational recognition: “I understand you find this boring, but I believe you can do it well. You are important to me.”

Scenario 2: You are an employee, and your boss is a control freak

If you don’t want to quit, you must restructure the narrative.

First, actively seek meaning. You aren’t doing this because your boss told you to; it’s your choice. Laying bricks is for building a cathedral; filling an Excel sheet is for cleaning data to establish the truth for team decisions. Try to link forced tasks to your long-term personal values. If the work is truly meaningless, then it’s “to practice my patience”—which is much more dignified than “to avoid being yelled at.”

Crucially, you can always make micro-decisions. Establish your own order where the boss can’t see. You decide the rhythm of your work and the style of your handovers. You can always crack a joke. The bricks you lay can have your aesthetic mark. At the very least, you can decorate your desk the way you like.

You can also gamify tasks. If it’s boring, time yourself. Can you be 10 minutes faster than yesterday? Forcing in challenges and feedback can yield a small sense of competence.

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Happy people are all like this. The history teacher who turns lessons into stand-up comedy; the programmer who writes haikus in code comments and treats error logs like miniature detective novels; the tofu vendor who cuts a two-dollar block of tofu with the presentation of a Michelin-starred chef. No matter how mundane the job, they insist on creating something extraordinary.

The good news is that top-tier people are all like this too. Obedient excellence only takes you so far. At a certain distance, you enter a “no-man’s land” where no one tells you what to do next, there are no guides, and no evaluation standards.

There, the problems are defined by you, the paths are chosen by you, and the costs are borne by you. You must be able to handle things within blurred boundaries, not just run within clear processes.

In truth, Self-Determination Theory is simply about treating humans as humans. It discovers that when you shift the locus of control inward and live like a human being, your performance is at its peak.

I dare say this is one of the best properties of our world. Thank goodness! Otherwise, as some might think, we would have to “eat bitterness to become a superior person” or “stab ourselves twice to master a divine skill.” If top performers had to be “grindset” martyrs, that would be truly terrifying.

A closing poem contributed by Gemini:

Seek not obedience as your only guide, For paths of silent pain lead far and wide. The donkey turns the mill for hanging bait, While phoenixes in Flow’s bright current wait.

Let no invisible whip your spirit tear, Your inner essence is beyond compare. Through thousand peaks, I tread for love alone, On top of freedom, worldly cares are gone.

Notes

[1] Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Plenum. [2] Ryan, Richard M., and Edward L. Deci. “Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being.” American Psychologist 55, no. 1 (2000): 68–78. [3] Elite Daily Class Season 5, Hidden Game 8: Why Helpless if Passionate? [4] Elite Daily Class Season 5, How to Shape Others’ Behavior. [5] Elite Daily Class Season 5, One Identity vs. Multiple Identities. [6] Deci, Edward L., Richard Koestner, and Richard M. Ryan. “A meta-analytic review of experiments examining the effects of extrinsic rewards on intrinsic motivation.” Psychological Bulletin 125, no. 6 (1999): 627–668. [7] This policy was later canceled by Google… I heard it was because some employees automatically “grinded,” turning the 20% option into a requirement, which effectively increased their workload by 20% and defeated the original intent.